"Everybody loves Emily"

I don't like attention.

Now for those who know me, I can hear what you're saying..

"Yes you do"

"Stop lying!!"

Truthfully, I don't like a whole lot of attention. It makes me uncomfortable. However,  regardless of whether I enjoy it or not, I usually brush off such attention with the phrase "Everybody loves Emily..." This statement is usually met with laughter and giggles and positive affirmation, but as of lately I've felt a little awkward saying it. Truthfully very few people love me, and that could be for a number of reasons really. One being that I don't let people in enough to really get to know the good and bad parts about me, another being that I'm really not the easiest person to love, at least not in my eyes.  Now with that last statement being said, I don't want you all to have pity on this young Queen, but because I know myself and I know how I can get ( I have a slight attitude problem and authority issues) I feel completely confident in being able to say that I'm a very difficult person to love. On the other hand, when I fall in love or I love someone, the emotion is strong and almost over powering.. So, I really try and keep control of my feelings however most of the time this doesnt work and I get my feelings hurt in some form or another......

Thats all I want to share today... Until tomorrow..

Thank you for reading,

Queen Illmatic

Understanding Emilyana

To really understand my current predicament, you have to know where I came from.

Relationships have always been difficult for me. Not even just of the romantic kind. I've never had a proper example of what friendships, familal relationships, or romantic relationships look like so as an adult, developing and cultivating such relationships has proven to be a difficult task for me, romantic relationships especially.

This blog will chronicle my views and thoughts on current relationships in my life, as well as look backs at previous relationships as I see necessary.


Thank you for reading.

Queen Illmatic.